A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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