just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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