Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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