she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
