So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
