I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Boobs are out for the taking
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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