That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
