Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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