i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
