you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
