I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
