i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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