I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
