Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
