9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
