So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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