Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
