the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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