tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
