is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
