The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
