Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
