I wish my penis had an off switch
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
