I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Floor bacon is actually really good
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
