Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
