We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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