she was so not down for the gang bang
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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