please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
