i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
