put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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