UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
