Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
