By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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