The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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