What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
