So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
