In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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