i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
