I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
