it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
