They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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