So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
