It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I party with great urgency now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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