I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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