I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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