If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
do herpes really smell.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
