I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
