My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
