theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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