I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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