I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
then he tried to convert me to islam
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize