Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is the high leading the old right now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
