she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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