Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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