Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
