What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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