Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
