we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
