Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
