i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
