I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
