I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
