3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize