During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
