He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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