Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
