and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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